Hope
by Judgement-of-Jashin
Summary: Sasuke had had enough with this life and the cards it had dealt him. He just wanted a way out. Could a friend he had locked out for years be the answer to his problems, or would he just exacerbate the issue? Deals with depression and self-harm
1. Chapter 1

I

Most days were torture for Sasuke Uchiha. He was an intelligent young man at college with good prospects for the future, a group of friends to support him, and he was described as a quietly happy guy, and people really believed that he was ok. They couldn't have been further from the truth.

The death of Sasuke's parents was a shock that killed the poor young boy. Seeing his parents lay, mangled on the floor in a puddle of their own blood sent the once sweet little lad insane with horror and grief. The murderer was never found. There was no one to blame for the atrocity, and somehow, that made the whole thing worse.

Sasuke and his older brother, Itachi, had to start a new life for themselves, but surviving without parents was not an easy task. Every day they struggled to function normally rather than break down and sob as they would have liked to do. Life was hard.

And just as Sasuke was getting over his parent's cruel deaths and felt like he could go on, fate dealt him another blow, and his older brother was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He only had a few months left to live, or so the doctor said.

Again, Sasuke carried on as if nothing had happened, hiding his agony behind a painted smile, and nobody knew at all. Nobody would've guessed what the handsome, smiley male was going through internally, because he wouldn't let them in.

Finally, one day, as Sasuke visited Itachi, he snapped. He walked into the hospital room where Itachi was being treated, brandishing a bouquet of his favourite lilies, and his brother was dead. He laid silently, his glassy eyes staring at Sasuke without seeing him. He screamed and the nurses came rushing in to find the teen curled up in a ball beside the door, and Itachi, dead.

The funeral came and went, and in those numb moments as he worked mechanically, without any feeling, Sasuke could feel his sanity and his emotions draining away from him, till he was left with an empty shell.

Then the agony set in. Every day was manic, his mood plummeting to ridiculous lows, all the while still laughing that wrong, echo of a laugh which once meant something, but was now just a way to placate people and stop them asking questions. His mind was frantic, his body tired, and life became unbearable for the boy.

And one day, the grief cleared away, leaving him with utter clarity and an understanding of what he had to do. Calm washed over him as he walked up the stairs and locked himself in the bathroom, the sterile surroundings seeming to suit the occasion. He glared at his reflection in the mirror and turned away in disgust.

Slowly, deliberately, he opened his cupboard and took out the razor. He pressed the cool steel against his pallid flesh and took in a deep breath.

He dragged the blades across his wrists and with a satisfying rip, blood poured from his wounds. The agony of his tortured soul disappeared, escaping with his blood. Everything else faded away, dissipating, till only the searing pain was tangible to him. It made him feel weak and strong at the same time; he was able to do this, unable to control his emotions any other way. As the blood stopped flowing as his wounds began to heal, as he sat on the floor looking numbly up at the ceiling, a flurry of conflicting thoughts attacked his mind. It was wrong, his entire being knew it to be true, but the feeling had been so right. A single pearl of a tear rolled down his cheek.

He left the bathroom, his blood still staining the floor, all he could feel was the desire to harm himself again. His heart ached as the ecstasy and agony of the moment disappeared and he was returned to reality.

So each evening, as he returned home from college, he would go about his ordinary routine, then slip into the bathroom to pick up his new friend, the razor, slash at his scarred flesh, not caring if he should die, and enjoy those few moments of blissful clarity, peace, of living in that singular moment without having to be dragged into the past, of being able to control the emotions that killed him each day. It became his drug, an all encompassing parasite which live inside his mind, an infection spreading through him until his whole life was governed by self-harm.

And as he slowly sunk into the endless abyss of his own creation, there was no one there to offer a hand to pull him out, because no one would've ever guess that the smile on Sasuke's face was just a mask.

* * *

_I don't really know how this first chapter went, I'm not sure whether it's any good or not. It was kind of difficult to write this since it was like revisiting my own past, and I wasn't really sure of how to put those emotions into words. Hopefully you enjoyed it, please send me reviews of how to improve, and I'll try to incorporate said improvements in the next installment. Thanks for reading 3 xxx_


	2. Chapter 2

II

_I walk home from school. It's early Autumn, the last rays of the beautiful summer sunshine filtering through the clouds to caress my pallid face. The world is beautiful today, because I know soon that this will fade away into the deathly clutches of Winter. I pause, take a moment to appreciate my life, and move along, impatient to get home. _

_I open the front door, the heavy wood pushing me back outside, as if it didn't want me to enter. "I'm home." I squeak. My voice is broken, wrong. My words echo in the deep silence. It's not unusual for my home to be quiet, but this silence was thick with the tangible electricity of change. "Hello?" I question the deafening silence, and my query lies stagnant in the air around me, no echo, no reply. Nothing. _

_My heart leaps into my mouth. My parents have probably gone out for something. It's a reasonable excuse; so why am I so sure something is wrong? I edge through the hallway, listening for any sign of life. Nothing. _

_Dead. This house is dead, I realise with strange certainty, though I'm not sure what I mean by that. I open the door to the living room, and I understand. Dead. _

_A shadowy figure disappears through a window, leaving behind a knife. Blood. My parents are lay screaming, through they are already dead. They continue to screech like a couple of banshees as I watch their crimson tears pool around their mangled bodies. Holes are torn into their clothing and flesh. The holes are gaping, and begin to consume the light out of the room until it is just me in never ending blackness. _

"_Sasuke." Someone whispers. Their voice is wrong. I turn and find Itachi stood at a doorway. But he is not Itachi right now, he is the shadowy figure, stood in a box of white light. He sheds his shadowy skin, and my brother stands with outstretched arms that are covered in blood. I do not understand. _

_I run. I run towards him, arms outstretched to capture him in my embrace, trying not to think what this could mean, only wanting the comforting reassurance that only my brother could give me. Though he is bloodied and I am full of hurt and confusion, he is better than nothing, and I need him. If I hold him and never let him go, he cannot leave me, he cannot hurt me, and everything will be alright. I leave all else behind me and run for Itachi and the way out of this hell. _

"_Sasuke." He whispers again in a voice that is not his. This time, it is a plea. He gets suddenly old, deteriorating rapidly. His outstretched arms begin to shrivel, and he is eroding away before my very eyes. He is turning to dust. I try to grab his hand but it disintegrates. Itachi dies again, the escape shuts, and I am left alone, sinking into the blackness, with no way out.  
"Help me!" I croak as the black starts to consume me, crawling up my throat, the tendrils reaching into my throat and I... _

Sasuke woke with a start, his heart pounding eratically. He checked the clock and found himself nearly an hour late to college. "Shit!" He grumbled, leapt elegantly out of bed and rushed to get ready. The shower cleansed away all memories of the nightmare, the fear that had gripped him that morning disappeared down the plughole along with the soapy water.

Sasuke stumbled sleepily into his third lesson, scruffy and not his usual self. "Sorry I'm late Mr Hatake, I overslept." The grey haired history teacher nodded silently and Sasuke quickly took his place at the back of the classroom, next to his friend, Naruto.

"So Mr Perfect 'overslept'. What happened? Had a nightmare?" His friend teased and he tried his best not to shudder.  
"You wish Dead Last." He tried to brush off the comment. "Damn, I forgot my pens, can I borrow one of yours?" He leant over to pluck a pen out of Naruto's pencil case and an awful realisation dawned on him, hitting his stomach like a tonne of bricks.

He had forgotten to put on the cuff bracelet that usually covered his cuts, and he was wearing a short sleeved shirt. _How could I be so careless? _He scolded himself. He retracted his hand with a pen as fast as possible, hoping Naruto hadn't seen. But he had.

Naruto happened to glance down as Sasuke reached for the pen, and caught a glimpse of something angrily red on Sasuke's arm. The blonde male looked again and found a series of deep wounds on Sasuke's wrist. He paled, shocked at his new discovery, but didn't say a word. Naruto could be a dunce sometimes, but he knew that it wasn't appropriate to mention it in a silent classroom. He gave his friend a sorrowful glance before continuing his work.

Surprisingly enough, despite his fear that morning, Sasuke's day had gone pretty uneventfully. He'd even managed to find his cuff in his bag to cover up his cuts. He spent his breaks with his friends, silently sat watching them all have a good time as always, analysing their lives and not living his own.

The same could not be said for Naruto's day. All day long, all he could think about was Sasuke. All this time, Naruto thought Sasuke had handled the death of his family rather well, when in actuality, he was suffering in silence. What kind of terrible friend was he, to not recognise his friend needed help? So he decided to make up for his mistake, and try and help Sasuke now. And the first thing had to be confrontation.

At the end of the day, as Sasuke left school with a minor headache and the need to sleep, an annoying voice pilfered his airwaves and made him bristle with annoyance. "Sasuke, wait up!" Naruto called. "Hey, can I walk with you?" Sasuke smiled, a smile Naruto now recognised easily as false, and nodded quietly.

The pair walked in an amiable silence for quite some time, before it was Sasuke himself that broke the silence. "How come you're walking this way?" He asked, feigning interest, wishing Naruto would go away.  
"I'm visiting my relatives." He lied quickly.  
"You don't have any relatives in Konoha." Sasuke pointed out, causing Naruto to blush.  
"Yeah. I know."

After an awkward moment of Sasuke staring Naruto down, the former male grew exasperated and walked away. Naruto, still embarrassed by his own idiocy, grasped his arms and saw Sasuke wince as his thumb pressed into one of the newer cuts.

"I know." He whispered, and the air grew thick with tension. Sasuke whipped round, and instead of the fury he had expected, he was berated with a terrified and upset expression, which was worse than the fury any day. He was like a frightened child, and it was the weakest Naruto had ever seen his oldest friend.  
"Are you... Are you going to tell everyone?" He asked, his eyes filled with guilt but steady on Naruto's cerulean one's.  
"No, no! I just want to let you know that I'm here for you." Sasuke's soft features became at once venomous and defensive.  
"I don't need you. I'm fine."  
"Sasuke..."  
"What do you know, anyway?" His words were vehement and he stormed off angrily. Naruto stood and let him leave, watching his slight form disappear into the hazy distance.

Naruto lifted his hand numbly and traced an 'X' in the air with his finger tip, shuddering at the thought of some distant memory. Sasuke needed Naruto more than he cared to admit. And Naruto didn't at all mind how angry Sasuke had been, because he knew his friend was only pushing him away because he was angry, wounded and scared. And by God he swore he would do all he could to heal him. Because nobody, in Naruto's eyes, deserved to suffer like this.

* * *

_So, I forgot to upload this once it was done... Sorry about that :) _

_I got a few nice reviews on the last chapter, so I'd like to thank those who commented, it's very kind of you to take the time to talk to me about my story. _

_The dream section at the beginning was inspired by an anonymous review suggesting I go more in depth about the events of Sasuke's family's death and write in the first person. __I don't know if that's what you meant, but thank you anyway. _

_Please feel free to review this or the previous chapter with any thoughts, whether you thought it was good or bad, if you wish, you should leave me a comment with your opinion on it and why. Constructive criticism is always greatly appreciated. _

_Thank you so much for taking the time to read this chapter, hopefully you enjoyed it. I'll stop rambling now and let you get on with something more interesting. Thank you 3 xxx_


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